This is what I feared would happen
And didn’t want to happen
But did happen
I allowed myself to see possibilities
To develop feelings and grow attached
But the possibility was snatched
And fate rudely substituted
Heartache for my hope
And tears for my happiness
I will confess
I want something truly
But truly I do not want
To hurt to find it
I know trying is important
Because it is the only way
To succeed, but I wish
It didn’t hurt so much
I wish trying were a happy thing
But it seems that in wanting
To have someone you suffer
Heartache from desiring
Someone who overlooked the opportunity
To snatch you for that one’s own
This time, this try
I dearly regret
Not the trying or the hoping
But the failing, the closed door, the shame
All beyond my control
I am so, so invisible
It just hurts
It sears my heart
And there is not a thing
Not a fucking thing I can do about it